As this will be a decent size post as is, I’m not retelling the tale. In short, years back I learned that when the Zombie/Vampire/Alien/Whatever Apocalypse comes, I will not be the Hero that saves everyone. No. Instead, I’ll be among the first to go. Probably still wondering what was going down.

Apparently this one lesson wasn’t enough. Apparently another was needed.

Lucky me.

Thursday Brother Todd had a nasty surprise while watching the family dog Daisy Mae have fun outside. Namely, he got to find her covered in what he called bees. He brushed her off as quick as possible, then brought her in to safty.

At the time I was outshopping. On returning and hearing the story, a nasty memory popped back up. A couple years back we had a yellow jacket nest in the yard. Stung me on the finger and the back of the neck. I killed them all real good

Now I’m a grown man. When trouble pops up, I should act like. Besides, the sun was going down. The troublemakers would be in the nest asleep.

So I went outside. I went to the bush in front, where Daisy had been sitting, and had a look around.

Nothing.

Okay then. Might as well make the trip worth while. We’d been talking about trimming the bush back. I figured I’d take a bit off, make the trip out worth while.

I hadn’t cut more than a little when the first sting happened. Under the upper part of my right arm.

Alright then. I might want to–

That’s went the second sting happened. Then maybe the third.

There were a lot of stings that day.

Now common sense finally hit. I ran to the house. Felt something buzzing my hair, and all I could think about were all those Horror movies where an idiot character gets himself stung to death. So glad I could be one.

I shut the front door behind me, safe at last. I started to tell Mom and Todd what happened.

Then Todd noticed it.

From about hem to pockets my black pants were covered in yellow jackets.

Todd shouted for me to take my pants off and throw them outside. To my credit, I did the single smart thing I did that day and ignored him. Instead, I ran outside, stripped off my pants, then ran back inside. Where I took a quick shower just in case a few stragglers remained.

So yeah. In my underwear out where the neighborhood could see me.

Surprised it hadn’t happened sooner.

Or more often.

So all of this comes with a capper. Those yellow jackets? Weren’t from the nest that got Daisy.

I am blessed with a yard filled with stinging insects.

Anyway, Daisy didn’t seem to be bothered by the experience. If it hurts her, she gave no sign.

Me, I’m under the desk, whimpering as I type this.

I’ve never been stung on the nose before. Wasn’t even on the bucket list.