You wanna talk about old, this post is almost twenty! All of these smilies are now called emojis. And I’m still waiting.

Oh, and the header image is AI. For the record.

I’ve yet to come across a smilie for Homicidal Rage While Holding a Cheese Grater and Thinking of My Ex-Girlfriend Who Said She Wanted Us to Be Just Friends But Went to All of My Real Friends and Started Telling Horrible Lies About Me and a Cockapoo Which Never Happened Because I Was In California at the Time Doing A Favor For Her No Good Brother Who Stole Thirty Bucks From My Wallet Then Gave It Back To Me As a Loan (With 20% Interest) A Week Before He Shoved Me Down A Cliff Into the Wrathful Sea From Which I Was Only Escaped Through the Fortuitous Aid of a Pod Of Passing Dolphins and A Beautiful Blonde Who Still Won’t Return My Phone Calls Damn It.

Which makes me feel really restricted in what I can say on-line. I mean, what if all of that happened to me? Am I supposed to write that out every time? I think not.

There’s got to be some way of doing it. Maybe with a hyphen and a couple of commas… Yeah… Yeah, maybe…