So. The Winnie the Pooh slasher movie made enough money for a sequel. BUT! The Banana Splits horror movie did not. What does that tell us? Beside the fact that some people are so desperate for ideas they’ll try anything?
Category: Thoughts on
Spoilers for a short story that is over a hundred years old. Why haven’t you read it yet? It’s free on the internet!
Dagon is one of the first stories H. P. Lovecraft wrote as an adult. It is both typical and atypical of his Horror work. Typical in that its protagonist goes where he shouldn’t and is driven to suicidal madness. Atypical because the protagonist is he really doesn’t deserve his fate, as he doesn’t seek out what he finds.
It’s World War I and the Germans have captured the main character’s boat. Not wanting to be a prisoner of war he escapes in a life boat. After floating aimlessly for some time an underseas eruption hurls what passes for an island up from the ocean floor. This imprisons his boat, forcing him to explore his environment. In this exploration he not only discovers that there are titanic fish people in the world but also get to see one up close. His escape from the situation leaves him mad, and, believing himself pursued by the fish man, writes his tale down before the fish man comes for him and he’s forced to kill himself.
All of this, is told in the first person from our protagonist’s perspective. There is a very slight chance we can interpret the whole thing as the ravings of a mad man. The ending helps in this regard, as it’s hard to believe that a desperate man would keep writing as a titanic fish person fumbles open his apartment door.
Outside of the ending and the reoccurring problem that Lovecraft thinks his readers are as well read as he is, the story is pretty good. I’ve seen it compared a lot to Call of Cthulhu, but in fairness it’s not trying to lift the same weights Call is going for. It does it’s job. It may not be one of his bests, but it sure isn’t one of his worst. Especially worth considering is how early it is in his career.
Not a favorite, but I reread it now and then.
[The Hell…?!] The Pot Sues Kettle?
I debated bringing this category back when rebooting this site. It had been so long since I came across something that made me go… the Hell…?! It didn’t seem worth the effort.
Then I found out something today.
There is a man out there by Demetrious Polychron. An author. Who is claiming Amazon and the Tolkien Estate plagiarized his works for the TV series Lord of the Ring: The Rings of Power.
Now this series has not gone over well. At all. So it is curious why anyone in their right mind would own to having any part of this. The things one does for their fifteen minutes of fame, right?
Only it gets better.
The novel Polychron claims got plagiarized? Is on sale at Amazon.
Wanna know what it’s about? Of course you do! Here’s the blurb in all it’s glory:
Long before Sauron, the original Rings Of Power were forged by the Elven Lord Celebrimbor and Dwarven smith Narvi in Eregion, near the Misty Mountains. These first magic Rings were far more powerful than those that came after and were corrupted by Sauron to be fought for in the War of the Ring.
Elanor, daughter of Samwise, is nervous before her debutante party in the Shire. In the 22nd year of the reign of the High King Elessar, the Blue Wizards return from out of the East bearing grave and perilous news: the rest of the Rings of Power have been found and they are in deadly danger. Thus begins the War of the Rings to End All Wars of the Rings. Before it is over Elves, Hobbits, Dwarves, Men and magical races long forgotten or never seen before will join the Quest to find Celebrimbor’s originals and the last of Sauron’s corrupted Rings of Power.
Elanor, two Hobbit friends, the Crown Prince Eldarion, his Elvish uncles Elladan and Elrohir join the Wizards Alatar and Pallando in a war across Middle-earth fighting for their lives. If they fail, they will witness the return of the Vala Morgoth, the source of Evil and former Master of the long-defeated Sauron. With all the Rings of Power at his command, Morgoth will enslave the whole of Middle-earth – forever.
The mind BOGGLES! Not only is this nothing like the Amazon show, it is, in fact, an unauthorized sequel to a classic work of fiction!!! On sale for almost $12!!!!!
[POE] Annabel Lee
I’ve been a Edgar Allan Poe fan for most of my life.
Now when I say that, I mean I’m a fan of Poe’s prose. I don’t do poetry unless forced. Sorry. Just the way I am.
This isn’t to say I haven’t read any poems by Poe. The Raven is, without a doubt, a mandatory read for the Horror fan. The awesome Haunted Palace is located square in the middle of Fall of the House of Usher, and that’s hard to pass up. So I will drop my prejudice against the form from time to time. As a rule I don’t.
Today one of the people I followed posted Annabel Lee, and, being in a charitable mood, I read it.
That’s a creepy little poem.
It’s not very original to Poe. Guy loses love of his life and goes nuts. Doesn’t even need a black bird to do it.
It’s the rhythms and repetition that do it for me. Everything comes together with such great effect.
Kind of sorry I didn’t read it before.
Does this mean I’m reading more poetry?
Of course not.
Don’t be silly.
[IMAGE] The Lighthouse
Here is the lighthouse. As this was on the same file as yesterday, there are houses behind the shown object. I’ve just made them invisible WITH THE POWER OF MY MIND!
And the option that removes objects from the render.
Not nearly that impressive, put like that.
Don’t want to go into how long I fought to get this. I swear, I followed instructions to the T and I still screwed up.
Everything started to go pear shaped when opening the program. Found I had a circle select instead of the box select on my cursor. It in no way shape or form worked like the previous select. I could muddle through and do the lesson, no problem. Well, a little problem. No worries though.
Then it went back to box select.
Same way it went to circle in the first place. Computers are the tools of the Dark Lord and everything that touches them goes MAD!
To think I wondered what I would talk about on loading this up.
Next comes the rocky base. AKA an island the lighthouse and houses will sit on.
[THOUGHTS] Jokes Just For You
When trying to be funny, on line or in the really real world, you have to remember one thing: Some jokes are just funny to you.
Of course this holds true with a lot of things. Like Horror for instance. Some people are scared of spiders, some aren’t. Some are willing to believe in ghosts for a span, some won’t. You can’t make people feel the terror, you can only try.
Thing is, with Horror, there’s always going to be the other option. That it’s funny when it should be scary. That happens. You might not want it to happen, but it does happen.
Humor doesn’t have that fall back.
Bad humor kills. It even angers.
I have seen many a Comedies I didn’t get. Like Napoleon Dynamite. Well, fair’s fair, I haven’t watched the film, so I’m not speaking out of experience. But what little I’ve seen doesn’t encourage me to see more. I know people who love the film. Maybe I’m missing out.
I don’t think so.
Of late, though, more and more Comedies have been leaving me… irritated.
Family Guy, for instance. Once upon a time, I could watch full episodes of the series and enjoy it. Over time, however, I’ve gotten to the point where if every single main character in the show died of cancer, on fire, covered with bees, with sharp things jabbing under their fingernails I could get behind it. If there are decent characters on the show, they’re few and far between.
Thus I don’t watch the show.
But. I can still see how some people might like it.
I’ve watched small bits of certain episodes and said, “Hey! That’s funny. Be funnier if they all exploded in a ball of green flame, GREEN FLAME! Still, ha ha.”
I understand Family Guy‘s exisitance.
I don’t understand Velma‘s existence. At all.
This is a brand new cartoon that came out this year. Allegedly the “true story” behind the classic Scooby Doo series. Only everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY is to one degree or another a hateful, soul crushing monster.
Again, in fairness, I’ve not sat through a full episode. There may be some bon mot or sight gag I haven’t seen that’s simply hilarious.
What I have seen from clips makes me doubt it.
The main character, Velma, is Evil with a capital E. She is a narcissist who hurts everyone around her. The viewer’s supposed to root for her. Laugh at her antics, nod at every truth bomb she lays out, whether it’s a jab at white people or a stab at men, or whatever is the focus of her ire at the moment. And there seems to be a hell of a lot of ire.
None of these people are even remotely like the characters they’re stealing from.
Remember what I wished on the characters of Family Guy? Well that’s too good for the characters of Velma. They need to be…
Excuse me for a second.
Here it is.
“Hanging’s too good for ’em. Burning’s too good for ’em! They should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!”Heavy Metal. Kinda
I’ll bet that the writers simply loved every word they wrote. Thought they had a modern classic on their hands. Trouble is that they were writing stuff only they found funny. And it shows. On Rotten Tomato Velma has a below 50% score with the critics, and around 6% with regular people.
That’s an epic failure right there.
[THOUGHTS] Shelob’s Sister
That image is from a Fail Army video I found on Youtube. See that little shape right by Shelob’s Sister’s head there? That’s a regular sized spider. Our girl here is just.
Check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.
Surprise the one filming this thing didn’t try to pet it next. I swear, half the videos are people trying to pet wild animals and having the nerve to be shocked when they get bit.
Anyways, that’s someone’s basement in Australia. No way I’d be doing this. I have a hard enough time going into my basement now, and my spiders are normal sized.
Look, I don’t go into the basement unless forced in fear of running into something like our girl here.
Just look at her.
I can take tarantulas. All day, all night. But her?
The way she casually scuttles up the wall at the end of the clip.
Not a care in the world, that one.
Meanwhile, I’d be upstairs prepping to burn the whole place down.
Just to be sure.
[Poe] Some Musings Over a Container of Sherry
Spoilers for a short story published very nearly two hundred years ago.
When you are good at what you do, people talk about you. Edgar Allan Poe was very, very good. He even survived a character assassination early one. The man was a beast. And thus people talk.
Among his tales of cats and mad men there is one tale that stands above the rest: The Cask of Amontillado. In short, it’s a tale of revenge that still packs a wallop even even after over a century. The narrator, Montresor, lures back his prey, Fortunato, to a fate worse than mere murder. Bleak, dark, and not quite like anything else Poe ever wrote.
Now, again, when you’re good, people talk, and this story gets a lot of talk. Many make of the fact that Montresor never says why he does what he does, suggesting that he himself might be mad.
The thing is, this supposition isn’t supported in the narrative.
Before talking about this, one crucial fact must needs pointing out.. Consider the first paragraph of the story:
The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged; this was a point definitively settled — but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong.The Cask of Amontillado
Edgar Allan Poe
The Cask of Amontillado doesn’t have only two characters. Unlike The Black Cat and The Tell Tale Heart, the narrator isn’t speaking into the void to whoever will listen. Montresor is speaking to a very definite person. He has a very definite audience in mind. This person who knows so well the nature of Montresor’s soul.
Who is this person? As with so much of the story, it doesn’t matter. It could be a friend, a brother, a wife, a lover. Not important. What matters is this person’s existence in the story.
For simplification let’s call this person Grim.
Poe’s big thing was precision. Every little bit plays on every other bit until he hits the mark he needs to hit. Which he was very good at doing.
Montresor never once expounds upon why he kills Fortunato to Grim. He expects Grim to know and understand at once. That is because he tells Grim exactly why he kills Fortunato.
Fortunato insulted him.
No great mystery to solve there. It could have been anything. Duels were more common back then, and they didn’t need that much of a reason for happening. Insults were the primary cause.
Fortunato’s reaction to his fate also points the way. Appaled by the act as he is, he never once asks the important question of why it’s happening to him.
That’s because he knows why.
Fortunato thought himself safe when his insult passed without action. Another factor is that, as Montresor tells Grim, Fortunato was “a man to be respected and even feared.” Someone that believed himself above reprisals.
Thus it’s very likely Montresor isn’t one of Poe’s mad men. He’s merely a very clever, very evil man.
Maybe that’s why, unlike with most Poe’s killers, Montersor gets away with it in the end.
[Thoughts] She’s Still Hungry, You Know
I remember her being terrifying.
The picture is from the Golden Book version of Hansel and Gretel. Or, rather, my version, back in the day. It’s from the front of the book, with the two kids over to the left.
As said, this is a terrifying memory. The witch, standing there, staring out of the book. At the fool still holding the book.
Memory plays tricks. The face there has a more evil cast. Uglier. Wicked.
This, though? While sinister after a fashion, it doesn’t compare to memory. What is fails to compare to what the mind wants to believe.
I find that kind of interesting.