Category: A Month of Horror

A Month of Horror (III): Portal

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[The Feature Image above is AI generated and has only the barest connections with reality. And is in fact scarier than this film.]

In brief, a team of ghost hunters enter the wrong haunted house and do the wrong things.

Its been said before that the hardest thing to review is a mediocre flick. You can rave about a great flick, you can rant about a bad one. The mediocre, though… you got nothing.

Portal‘s a little worse than that.

There’s nothing wrong with the acting, only it’s not really good. There’s nothing wrong with the story, except it feels like it could have used another draft. There’s nothing wrong with the directing, except there’s no scares. No fission.

The movie is okay. Like I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, it’s very much in it’s subgenre. The night footage is achieved with a bright light shining into the house through windows. The special effects work… ish.

It takes a while to get to the haunted house, but it’s not boring. It’s not anything. It just is.

I’m not sure I dislike it, but I can’t justify liking it.

There are short films so much better than this. Maybe it would have worked better as a found footage flick.

Dunno. Dunno, dunno, dunno.

I feel kind of bad with this review. The filmmakers tried. Hopeful the next try is better than this.

And yet, despite all that, not sorry I watched the film.

Makes no damn sense. But using the two score system of the sister site, this is two mehs (1.0 point each) for a total of 2.0 points.

A Month of Horror (II): I Was a Teenage Frankenstein

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[The Feature Image above is AI generated and has only the barest connections with reality.]

You’ve seen this movie. You might not have actually sat down and watched the film, but if you have any familiarity with Mad Scientist Flicks or Frankenstein, you know the beats.

You have the Scientist with the outrageous theory. You have his assistant, who is most reluctant. You have the monster, who naturally goes on a killing spree. And so on and so forth.

I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, for better or worse, is just another Monster movie. Nevertheless, it’s well acted, has a decent plot, and one or two surprises during the run time. The ending, sad to say, is rather lackluster. And goes from black-and-white to color.

For some reason.

Compare this to a little feature released the same year called Curse of Frankenstein. It has the exact same three elements, hits the beats you more or less expect. It could have been just another Mad Scientist flick. And yet through better writing, direction… well, everything about it works so much better.

There the film makers cared. Here? Not so much.

So, this is a meh flick (1.0 points.) I don’t care that much about it one way or the other (1.0 points). Add that together gets us a score of 2.0. Not a bad way to kill an hour or so, but no better than that.

A Month of Horror (I): The Phantom of the Opera (1925)

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[The Feature Image above is AI generated and has only the barest connections with reality.]

Well if there’s one thing to guarantee me to post, it’s this month.

I start this month of Horror with the Horror Classic Phantom of the Opera. Despite owning a copy of this film for years, I’ve never watched it from beginning to end. I’m not quite certain why. Lord knows I’ve watched my fair share of silent films. Perhaps the soundtrack accompanying this flick helped.

In any case I managed to finish it. I’m going against conventional thought and saying I like the Claude Rains version better. I like the humor in the story and the characters better. Weird statement from a Horror Guy, I know, but there it is.

That said, this is a damn fine flick. Damn fine.

Except for maybe Lon Chaney the film is overacted in the typical Silent movie way. Early in the film we have a flock of dancers who tend to do twirls for no clear reason at all, save, perhaps to remind people of what role they have. There’s also a lot of leaning away in horror, theatrical gestures, and the like.

To go back to Chaney, he’s the best part of the picture, as he usually was. Whether behind a creepy mask or in his staggering face make up, his presence grabs you by the lapels and shakes you. Which was impressive to me, as I was wearing a t-shirt when watching the flick.

As a Horror Guy, I’m fairly familiar with The Phantom of the Opera, having watched the later films. The Claude Rains version, the Hammer version, and so on. With those memories in mind, I had a fair idea of where things were going. Despite this I was delightful tense throughout, a sign that this is a very well made flick.

Then again, there are differences from this film and the others. For instance, the chandler scene. I seem to recall it always at the end. Here it’s the Phantom’s first act of terror.

Then there’s the Phantom himself. In the later films he tends to be more sympathetic. Here he’s damn evil.

All in all, this is a Horror classic. Even at a hundred (well almost), it still packs a punch. Worth seeking out.

In the rating system of the sister site, Great flick for 2.0 points. Liked it a lot, which adds on 1.5 points for a total of 3.5 points.

(Claude Rains, for the curious, is 3.0 points. A good flick, but not a classic one.)

[MONTH OF HORROR] Trick or Treat and a Summation of the Month

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Wow. A whole month, with only one sick day and one skipped day. More importantly, a review every day, plus extra.

A Welltun Cares Presents first!

The final feature of the month was Trick or Treat, which tells you absolutely nothing as there’s a bunch by this title. This particular one is a sort of Carrie clone, as a picked upon teenager uses the evil spirit of his Heavy Metal hero to get revenge upon those who wronged him. Very Eighties, very fun. One of my favorites and frankly the best way to end this series.

And now an overview of what I’ve watched. The dates are when the movies pop up as Sister Site reviews. The asterisks (*) are the ones with Long Reviews. This might change without notice.

Here’s the list:

Week One

  • As Above, So Below (10/13/23)
  • Demons (10/27/23)
  • Demons 2 (11/10/23)
  • Man Made Monster* (11/24/23)
  • The Comedy of Terror (12/1/23)
  • The Church (12/8/23)
  • The Curse of the Doll People (12/15/23)

Week Two

  • Dawn Breaks Behind the Eyes [12-22-23]
  • V/H/S/99 [12-29-23]
  • V/H/S/85 [01-05-24]
  • The House of Seven Corpses [01-12-24]
  • Evil Dead Trap [01-19-24]
  • One Dark Night [01-26-24]
  • The Other Side of the Box [Short Film]
  • The Chair [Short Film]
  • Stalled [Short Film]
  • Friday the 13th* [02-09-24]
  • The Conference [02-02-24]

Week Three

  • Killdozer! [02/16/24]
  • Phantasm [02/23/24]
  • The Bridge Curse [02/29/24]
  • Ghoulies II [03/08/24]
  • The Cat and the Canary [03/15/24]
  • Kiss of the Vampire [03/22/24]

Week Four

  • The Breach [03/29/24]
  • Schlock [04/05/24]
  • Noroi: The Curse [04/12/24]
  • Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell [04/19/24]
  • Hospital [04/26/24]
  • Prince of Darkness [05/03/24]
  • When Evil Lurks [05/10/24]
  • The Barn [05/17/24]

Week 5

  • V/H/S Viral [05/24/24]
  • Dementia 13 [05/31/24]
  • Trick or Treat [06/07/24]

Next is the obligatory pointless Awards for the week. I’m going to mix it up a little and do top 5 lists instead of the usual way of doing things.

Favored Five

These are the five films I liked the most this month:

  1. Prince of Darkness – This classic John Carpenter flick is always a welcome view.
  2. Dementia 13 – A nice surprise, especially because I’ve been avoiding watching it for decades.
  3. Demons 2 – Pizza Schlock at its finest!
  4. Comedy of Terror – Vincent Price and the gang have a blast running a funeral home that seeks out clients.
  5. Trick or Treat – Never meet your heroes. Especially if they’ve become evil spirits.

Scariest I’ve Seen This Month

While not Favored, these flicks put the fear in me and should be commended/list for it.

  1. When Evil Lurks – Too bleak for my blood, but I can’t deny its power.
  2. Noroi: The Curse – A great Found Footage flick with Lovecraftian overtones.
  3. V/H/S Viral – The whole series seldom misses a step, but so far this is the best of the bunch.
  4. The Conference – Probably the best Slasher flick I’ve seen in years.
  5. Phantasm – Don’t ask me why, but as familiar as I am with this flick, it still gets me in places.

Worst of the Lot

This goes in order of very worst to pretty damn bad:

  1. Schlock – Hands down the worst movie I watched this month. Not so much bottom of the barrel but in a subterranean cave beneath the barrel. A cave that has toxic waste leaking in. Gah.
  2. Dawn Breaks Behind the Eyes – Artsy fartsy bull crap.
  3. Man Made Monster – Lon Chaney Jr. deserves better. And if rumor is true this movie helped him get it. So it has that going for it.
  4. Ghoulies II – Bad puppets couldn’t save this flick
  5. Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell – This is a terrible movie, but in an entertaining way.

And that’s the month! Has some fun, got my Sister Site running right on into June. I might add some Golden Oldies to that mix (pushing some of the dates back), I might do fuller reviews to replace the brief ones I’ve done, I might even get so more fresh content in there. Sky’s the limit. No pressure to perform for a change.

Next week is NaNoWriMo. Fingers cross it goes as well as this month.

[MONTH OF HORROR] Dementia 13

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I’m not saying a thing about Dementia 13‘s story. It should be experienced without spoilers.

I watched this one back when I was a wee teen, over thirty years ago. I’ve been avoiding it ever since, thinking I didn’t like it. I watched this for the Sister Site and ended up giving it a perfect score.

The Hell were my standards back then?

Anyways, tomorrow is the last day of Month of Horror. I’ve done this at least four years (though most of those years have been washed away by the reboot). This is the first time I’ve made it to the end without ennui killing things.

Maybe it’s the quality of the movies I’ve watched.

Sure hasn’t been planning things out; I’ve only watched four movies on my planned list.

Next month is NaNoWriMo and it is my earnest intent to actually finish a novel this time.

I’ll keep you posted on that.

[MONTH OF HORROR] V/H/S Viral

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I can’t seem to escape this series. This one has an ice cream truck from Hell, a magician with an evil cape, a parallel universe you don’t want to go to, and skater boys battling the undead. Inventive, wild, vastly entertaining. Probably the best one of these I’ve seen. Almost cracks the 4.0 barrier Sister Site wise (it’s hard for anthologies to get 4.0 and 0.0 the way I run things.)

Almost done with the month. Two more days, and I’m at 30 out of 31 reviews for the Sister Site. Not bad, not bad.

[MONTH OF HORROR] The Barn and a Summation of the Fourth Week

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Real quick: I did indeed do a write-up for When Evil Lurks. Thus with today’s review also in the pipeline, I am now ahead one movie.

Today’s flick, The Barn, feels like it came right out of the Eighties, but in a good way. A group of high school seniors head out for one last go at trick or treating and end up freeing demons. As one does. Really a fun little flick and I look forward to watching the sequel. Which may or may not happen tomorrow.

And now the week that was:

  • The Breach [03/29/24]
  • Schlock [04/05/24]
  • Noroi: The Curse [04/12/24]
  • Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell [04/19/24]
  • Hospital [04/26/24]
  • Prince of Darkness [05/03/24]
  • When Evil Lurks [05/10/24]
  • The Barn [05/17/24]

Next is the obligatory pointless Awards for the week:

Best Movie of the Week: Noroi: The Curse, but only because I liked it better than When Evil Lurks.

Worst of the Week: Schlock. Unless I pick something worse in the next three days (HA!) it’s going to be the worst of the month hands down.

Biggest Disappointment: Schlock again. Hot on its heels is Hospital and When Evil Lurks. Which, again, is a great Horror flick. It’s just too bleak and miserable for me.

Best Terrible Movie: Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell. Really bad, but a lot of fun.

Newest Film Watched: When Evil Lurks. It came out this month. I’m cutting edge, I am.

Oldest Film Watched: Schlock. It’s as old as I am. I’ve just weathered the years better.

Old Favorite: Prince of Darkness. I had to give it SOME reward.

Movie That Pops Up On This List Too Much: Schlock. Seriously. I’m tired off seeing it here.

Potential New Favorite: The Barn.

Movie With the Best Gorilla Suit: Schl– OH COME ON!

[MONTH OF HORROR] Hospital/Prince of Darkness/When Evil Lurks

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I didn’t get a review up for yesterday, but not because I didn’t watch a movie. I finished Hospital and found I didn’t want to talk about it. In a nutshell, it’s about an Exorcist that takes two women through a haunted hospital, where the usual fun and games happen. Good chills, I had thought, but didn’t like the ending. Couldn’t understand why I couldn’t seal the deal and write a review.

This morning I woke and decided the problem was that I was being too kind to it. That worked out, the review came easy.

Same night, I tried to get a wee bit ahead by watching Prince of Darkness, John Carpenter’s glorious flick about liquid Satan sealed in a jar. Still one of the best Lovecraft flicks that has nothing to do with Lovecraft. This one I struggle with because of my affection for it. But I got it done.

When Evil Lurks was my flick for today–the day it came out. Two brothers struggle to deal with Demonic incursion and fail about as badly as one can fail. It’s a great flick, but too dark for me. In fact, I don’t think I can review it for the Sister Site.

Good thing I watched the Carpenter flick…

Anyway, Day 27 and 27 reviews. I got a back log almost all the way through next April. Feels good.

[MONTH Of HORROR] Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell

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Look at that title again: Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell.  There is absolutely no way anything with that title can be any good.

You know what? It isn’t.

Here’s a quick word about the flick: A man murders his yandere girlfriend, but she comes back as a vengeful ghost. Thirty years later, his bodybuilder son and the son’s psychic investigator ex-girlfriend investigate the house where the yandere is secretly buried. Little do they know, she’s craving revenge. Which she goes about in Evil Dead fashion.

It’s bad. Bad special effects, the works. But it’s also charming and fun, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.

Small thought on AI again. I took the summary of the film I’m currently using in the Sister Site review and asked the Assistant here to shorten it for me. The results aren’t the summary you see a couple of paragraphs back, but damn close. I edited the resulting paragraph, clarifying points here and there.

That’s the second time today I’ve used the Assistant in such fashion (I reworked a excerpt with it first). It’s a useful thing, opening my eyes to potential ways of expression. However, it does put my gut on edge for some reason. The words don’t feel fully mine. Like I’m cheating somehow.

Dunno. It might get used sparingly. Sure as hell feel like I should to admit using it.

[MONTH OF HORROR] Noroi: The Curse

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I mentioned earlier in the week how good it is to find good Lovecraftian films that don’t just trot out Lovecraft’s characters. Here is another example, even better than the last. It has a psychic investigator looking into odd happenings. In doing so he stumbles onto something much, much worse than he can imagine.

It’s in the pseudo-documentary subgenre of Found Footage, my favorite, and is really well done. Japanese Horror at its finest. Well worth hunting down.

We now sit at 24 days and 24 reviews. 51 if you count the reviews on this site (the movies plus the short films). Not too terrible. Really wish I hadn’t been take out one day.