Category: Monster Movies

[Month of Horror] Night Visions: Now He’s Coming Up the Stairs/The Gate/The Backwater Gospel

On By Cullen M. M. WatersIn A Month of Horror, Ghost Movies, Monster Movies, Short Film, TV Anthology (MoH)Leave a comment

Night Visions

Now He’s Coming Up the Stairs

A psychiatrist with the ability to absorb the illnesses of his patients comes upon a situation that may be more than he can handle.

Yes, I cribbed that summary from the show’s Wikipedia page.

Yes, I am ashamed of myself.

One confession done, here’s another.

At some point I grew tired of TV shows. Could not force myself to watch them. Told myself something had to give between the reading, the tv, and the videogames, might as well be the TV.

Watching Now He’s Coming Up the Stairs, it occurs to me this apathy started around the same year this series came out.

There is something entirely too familiar about this story. The acting, the direction, I don’t know what. It just felt too much like something I’ve watched a thousand times before. Or struggled to watch a thousand times before.

How bad did it get? Well the episode comes with two stories and I’m only talking about one. How bad do you think it got?

I had a similar problem earlier in the month. I tried to watch an episode of Ghost Story staring Jason Robards (of all people) and I didn’t make the halfway point. Too dull.

Or seemingly dull. Same thing, though, when push comes to shove.

All of this might seem to point towards me carping about Now He’s Coming Up the Stairs. And I did have problems. The script could have used a rewrite, maybe even shortening. Certain parts to my mind didn’t add up. There was entirely too much Luke Perry.

Entirely.

Too.

Much.

Those, though, might be considered Cullen Carps and discarded. The moment Our Hero begins his latest attempt to help someone on is gripping stuff. Well worth the wait getting there.

In other words, it does it’s job. Maybe not a great episode, but certainly a good one (1.5). I kind of like it (1.5) and might seek out some more. Especially the ones directed by the Great Joe Dante and Not Really That Bad Toby Hooper.

Though I’m not finishing the episode Now He’s Coming Up the Stairs belongs to. That story just ain’t clicking with me at all.

Oh, and Henry Rollins as Rod Serling? Really? Nothing against the guy, but really?

3 out of 4

The Gate

A couple of kids open up a gate to Hell. Typical weekend, actually.

This is yet another one of those films I can slip on and watch anytime and still get a kick out of it. Yeah, the effects can be lame, and yeah, the acting is only just adequate. Watching it this time I thought it would have worked better if it was a wee bit shorter.

And more Italian leaning. If you catch my drift.

But you know what? When it works, it works. It’s funny most of the time, and it has more than a few truly nightmarish moments. The final monster is one of cinema’s best.

It’s a good movie (1.5) that I love (2.0).

Oh, and the Dark Gods as malicious pranksters? I can almost see that.

3.5 out of 4

The Backwater Gospel

An agent of death comes to a backwaters town.

I didn’t like this cartoon short the first time I watched it, and I can’t now say why. It’s perfect, nasty in the way Horror should be nasty.

Great stuff (2.0). But do I love it? Yeah, maybe I do. (2.0)

Oh, and the Undertaker’s smile? Yeesh.

4 out of 4

[Month of Horror] The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism

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The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism

The evil Count Regula seeks revenge and immortality.

Not nearly a gruesome as the title makes it out to be. And it opens with a guy getting a mask nailed to his face, then drawn and quatered.

Guy, hell. It’s Christopher Lee, sleep walking his way through the flick. It’s one of his European films, filled with bad dubbing. And, here, trying to channel Mario Bava’s vibes. Fairly well, truth to tell.

It’s not a great flick, and calling it good is probably pushing it. But I’ll do it any way (1.5). Loved my time with this one (2.0).

They don’t make ‘e, like this any more.

3.5 out of 4

[Month of Horror] Who’s Hungry?/Leave/Run

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For the record, I also watched There’s a Man in the Woods again. Take that for what it’s worth.

Who’s Hungry?

A brother and sister run after the wrong ice cream truck.

This is a very charming little animate short. No dialogue, just action, and it really doesn’t waste time. I didn’t find it scary or particularly thrilling, but maybe it wasn’t supposed to be. I looked up Horror Short Anime Film and this popped up with the other suggestions that didn’t look like anime. It might have just been made to entertain.

Well it succeeded. It’s pretty good (1.5) and I rather liked it (1.5).

3 out of 4

Leave

A doomed tree grove takes steps to save itself.

This short shares problems with a lot of other shorts. All it is is a single scare, built up to, then executed. It feels more like the start of something rather than a complete whole.

Which would be okay, I guess, had it been scary. It wasn’t. Nicely shot, a little too dark, and one hopes the film makers move on to better things.

Two mehs. I dunno if I should put the numbers in or not. But you get the idea.

2 out of 4

Run

A man goes into the woods in search of a missing woman.

Then there’s this flick.

It’s shot on a Go-Pro on a head rig and shows. It’s antagonist makes no sense; there are whole scenes that that make no sense. Is this something the man is actually seeing? A recording? What?

What dialogue it has is written out on screen. Not sure why. All it all, the whole thing has the feel of a Horror Walking Simulator. Just really kind of off putting, especially when the main character refused to move where my mouse told him to.

These are the jokes folks.

That aside, Leave is the better made film. By a large margin.

So why am I giving this a low good (1.5)?

Because Run, nonsensical as it is, does it’s God damn job.

Four freaking jump scares. One I saw coming a mile away and still jumped. It ain’t fine art, but it’ll do until something better comes along.

Seriously, I liked it (1.5) far more than it deserves. If I hadn’t rewatched There’s a Man in the Woods it would have been the best thing I saw today.

3 out of 4

[Month of Horror] Second Week Summation

On By Cullen M. M. WatersIn A Month of Horror, Ghost Movies, Monster Movies, Short Film, Summation2 Comments

Told you no repeat of the ten movie watch. This week I watched eleven. And skipped a day.

The movies are as follows:

  • Blackbird (Short)
  • In Vaulted Halls Entombed (Netflix Show episode)
  • Chainsaw Maid (Animated Short)
  • Deadstream (Feature)
  • Waiting (Animated Short)
  • Dagon (Animated Short)
  • Laura Hasn’t Slept (Short)
  • Withered (Short)
  • 2AM: The Smiling Man (Real Short)
  • This Is Not a Test (Short)
  • The Shrine (Feature)

Note: Unless noted otherwise, the shorts I watch for these reviews are on You Tube. Except for Laura Hasn’t Slept , which has been pulled by Paramount.

Looks like more shorts than features. Not my intent for this series, but real life writes the plot. I’m already doing better for Week 3.

Only two of these were perfects. No film dipped below 2.5 points, which might be an improvement. Depending on where you stand on the matter.

The top three, in order of preference more than quality:

1. (tied) Deadstream/Chainsaw Maid

3. The Shrine.

Though 2AM comes close to edging out The Shrine.

The worst flick I watched would be Blackbird.

Film pushing the Short category to its limit: Dagon. Really, it’s more of an audio with pictures.

Two weeks down. A new week begins…

[Month of Horror] Waiting/Dagon (Short)

On By Cullen M. M. WatersIn A Month of Horror, Monster Movies, Short Film2 Comments

WAITING

Two women wait for a ride in the dark of night.

Short films tend to be hit or miss, but I’ve been finding the cartoons to be more hit than miss. This particular little flick I found on You Tube is no exception to this.

It’s basically animated with no voice acting. Still, it’s a good tale well told (1.5) and I rather enjoyed it. (2.0)

3.5 out of 4

Dagon

An escaped prisoner of war discovers that he might have been better off not escaping.

This particular short (again on You Tube) really isn’t a movie. What very little animation it has is even more basic than Waiting; the rest is (admittedly well done) drawings inspired by the H. P. Lovecraft story.

The whole thing is showcase for the reading, which comprises I believe the entire text. The reader does a great job with the telling of the tale.

The problem is that Dagon isn’t one of Lovecraft’s best works. First published, not a bad effort, but he gets a lot better.

All said and done, a good effort (1.5). I kind of like it (1.5).

3 out of 4

[Month of Horror] Blackbird, In Vaulted Halls Entombed, Chainsaw Maid

On By Cullen M. M. WatersIn A Month of Horror, Monster Movies, Short Film2 Comments

Blackbird

In Vaulted Halls Entombed

It’s probably telling that I watched both of these and honestly considered not mentioning either of them

Blackbird is about an amnesiac who rescues a woman who’s running from the masked man who held her prisoner. Which probably tells you all you need to know about the “shocking twist” at the end of the film.

In Vaulted Halls Entombed, meanwhile, follows a group of soldiers entering the wrong cave. It was a part of the Love, Death, and Robots cable series, and thus was very well animated. It, also, was very, very dull. That I read the story it was based on probably didn’t help matters. Though let’s also consider I’ve watched Deep Red multiple times and still felt a thrill with that.

So, anyways, both films are well produced, well acted, and, honestly? The stories on the surface aren’t that bad.

It’s just both of them came off as lifeless as hell.

In Vaulted Halls Entombed is the worse in this regard. I watched people torn a part and I. Just. Didn’t Care. It was boring. Not something I associate with the series it’s a part of. Well, more or less.

Both I’d say were good flicks (1.5) that I’m very meh about.

Blackbird:
2.5 out of 4

In Vaulted:
2.5 out of 4

Chainsaw Maid

Now in comparison, take this short, which I watched between the previous two (I had such high hopes for In Vaulted Halls Entombed) It’s a badly animated clay flick about a maid defending the people she works for from the Undead. It has absolutely no dialogue, its plot is an excuse for a series of clay gore effects, and it steals music from Twin Peaks. It is as goofy as hell with no scares whatsoever.

This one I love to death.

Really.

It’s the bomb.

Before the reboot, this was my most linked video by far. Seriously, it wasn’t even close.

In fact, let’s get that merry-go-round started right now:

I adore this movie.

Does it say something about my taste? Probably. It’s still today’s winner by far.

Calling it great is probably pushing it, but I’m doing it anyway. Chainsaw Maid is great (2.0). I love this little flick (2.0). I does my heart good to see it.

4 out of 4

[Month of Horror] C.H.U.D

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C.H.U.D.

Mutated monsters stalk the streets of New York looking for flesh.

I’m going to keep this short, cause I’m writing this past my bed time and I have work tomorrow. But man! What a flick. Watching it back to back with Chopping Mall really shows just how shallow the robot slasher flick was.

Don’t get me wrong. C.H.U.D is every bit as familiar a flick. You got government conspiracies, sleazy reporters, and several plot holes. But everything comes together in a well done little B-Movie.

Great flick (2.0), love it to death (2.0)

4 out of 4

[MONTH OF HORROR] Chopping Mall

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CHOPPING MALL

A group of… twentysomething? Teenagers? Any way, they party late night at a mall and get stalked by killer robots.

Anything was going to be a let down after Deep Red, so I went lowest common denominator with Chopping Mall. Just a slasher flick with a trio of rather neat looking robots. An old favorite from a misspent youth.

And you know what? It wasn’t half bad. I got into it fairly well, despite knowing the basic plot. Such as it was. The actors are all veterans of the B-Movie scene. The director did his job. The movie did it’s job.

Now did I wish it was something it wasn’t? Like, say, a slightly smarter, less bog standard slasher flick? Sure. And there are really questionable moments in the films plot. Like just how powerful are the robot’s laser beams again? Sometimes it barely does any damage, sometimes it kills with one hit, and sometimes it blows a girl’s head off, all based on the whim of the script.

Just one example, mind. Other possible beefs exist, and perhaps in a longer review at, say, a review site, I could go into it.

Thing is, it’s just carping. Chopping Mall is what it is, and does what it sets out to do: entertain.

It’s a good flick (1.5) of its sort that I like (1.5)

3 out of 4

[MONTH OF HORROR] They Crawl Beneath

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Some Spoilers here. For the record.

They Crawl Beneath

So I saw a trailer for this flick and once I saw it, I knew I had to see it. This guy is repairing an old car with his uncle and an earthquake hits. Car goes on both of them, killing the uncle and trapping the guy not only under the car but in the garage itself. If this isn’t bad enough, there are these worm monsters that came out of the ground. Now the guy has to figure out how to free himself while avoiding the beasties.

It looked beautiful.

So when I saw it was over on Amazon, I knew I had to see it for the Month of Horror.

But it wasn’t free. I could by it outright for about $13 bucks, or I could rent it for about $5.

Now again, I was jazzed about the movie. Looked like it might be up there with Tremors. Monster fun. Something I might watch again and again. So $13 bucks wouldn’t be that big a deal.

But I blinked and decided to rent it instead.

This was the right choice.

The monster stuff was… okay. The acting was… fair. It could have been so much more.

But it got saddled with so much crap. So. Much.

We’re not going to talk about the pointless nightmare sequence at the start of the flick. We’re not going to talk about the plot contrivances, like when Our Hero is unconscious just long enough to miss getting early help. Or like how the monster’s venom is supposed to kill in two hours and it seems to take a lot longer than that for Our Hero. Or… We’re not talking about it. No.

What we are going to talk about is how this film is, at best, 45% monster movie. The rest of it is seemingly endless family drama. The love interest doesn’t want Our Hero to be a cop any more after he almost gets himself shot. The Uncle might be Our Hero’s dad. On and on and on.

Our Hero manages to connect with the outside world with his mom, of all people, and after telling her to hurry and call the Love Interest (never mind why) he confronts her with his discovery of her and the Uncle. That’s when I muted the movie until the monsters returned.

Later he gets in contact with the Love Interest, who passes on information he got earlier in the film. Then, right towards the end of the conversations she says “I’m pregnant.”

This is where I started screaming at the film.

It doesn’t even know when to quit. It just goes on and on and on.

Wow. Just wow.

So glad I didn’t pay full price. Too bad I didn’t wait till it got on Prime.

It’s a near meh level bad (.5) and I didn’t like it at all (.5).

It could have been so much better than this. What a disappointment.

1 out of 4

[Month of Horror] The Mummy (1932)/The Bride of Frankenstein

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When I restarted this site, I said I wasn’t going to do movie reviews here, that I had another place to do that. Well, I changed my mind.

See, the past two years I’ve done A Month of Horror, a series of daily brief reviews covering Horror movies I watched that day. It’s happened almost long enough to be a fun little tradition, and as bad as this year’s been for me, I need a fun little tradition.

So all this month, little capsule reviews. Unlike the previous years, I’m given each a score based on the system I will go back to using on the Review Site when (when!) I start that back up again. Simply put, each film is judge on a two prong basis: Quality (Terrible, Bad, Meh, Good, Great) and Preference (Hate, Dislike, Meh, Like, Love). Each judgement is represented by a number (0.0 through 2.0) and the two numbers are added together for the final score.

Enough nattering. Here’s the reviews.

THE MUMMY (1932)

I went out to a theater to see this one. Not the most ideal viewing experience, as the sound was wonky. Background sounds and music were louder than the dialogue and sometimes things were hard to understand, especially in the beginning. That’ of course, isn’t the film’s fault, but it’s worth pointing out.

Anyways, this was personally viewed as one of the lesser Universal Monster movies before this rewatch. It’s the romance portion; the love-at-first-site trope is a terrible one. Lazy. Unnecessary, in this case.

This watch, though…

In a nutshell, an ancient mummy is revived after centuries and wants to be reunited with his dearly beloved. Unfortunately that dearly beloved happens to be reborn in the body of a pretty young lady who isn’t quite ready for what passes for marriage among the Undead.

All of this is told at a damn fine pace. There’s plot holes galore here and there, but the acting’s fine, the direction’s pretty great to my inexperienced eye, and really, this ain’t lesser anything.

As for the romance… well, let me summarize that in script form:

FRANK: Damn it, Helen, I’ve known you all of three seconds, but I love you! You remind me of a thousand year old corpse I dug up recently!

HELEN: Oh, Frank, you flatterer you! I think I maybe possibly could eventually–

IMHOTEP: [Enters room] I am Ardeth Bey.

HELEN: A MAH-YUN! [proceeds to stare misty eyes at the three century old corpse.]

Seriously, watch Frank fume at this was hilarious. I’d forgotten there was a quasi love triangle here. Plus, they hung a lampshade on how silly it was for Frank to do this. I gave it a pass.

All in all, it’s a good movie (1.5 points) that I liked (1.5 points).

3 out of 4

THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1932)

One of the trailers that played incessantly in front of these films was for Scream 2, of all things. In it, the characters get into a debate about sequels. One guy says that there where plenty of good sequels, and a girl character snottily asks him to name one.

This is the correct answer.

This is so much better than the original. And the original wasn’t a slouch.

Quick summary, the monster survives his near death experience from the previous film and now is on the look out for someone to be his friend. Meanwhile his creator is being hounded by a former teacher to make more monsters.

While this has it’s problems (an unnecessary prologue, like the first film, for starters) it runs at a nice pace. Most of the male character try their hand at eating the scenery (Ernset Thesiger beats Colin Clive here) and the female leads aren’t too shabby for what little they get. It really has a glorious ending, and does the fine job of making me regret put off a rewatch.

So to do the point thang again, it’s a great movie (2.0) that I loved (2.0)

4 out of 4