All posts by Cullen M. M. Waters

Internet humorist, Writer of Speculative Fiction, movie reviewer, and all around good guy

Month of Horror (XI) – The Last Radio Call

A woman’s cop husband vanishes in a deserted hospital and no one will talk about it. She hires a camera man to film her quest to find the answers.

And answers she does find.

As this is a Found footage film, you know more or less how it goes. There a moment towards the end of the film that doesn’t quite work for me. Over all, though, this is a well shot, well acted film. It’s one of the better examples of its subgenere.

Month of Horror (X) – four flies on grey velvet

A drummer finds himself framed for murder by a blackmailer who wants to drive him nuts.

Or something.

The plot really doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense. As it’s an Italian dub, critiquing the acting is a non-starter, but the voices are what you’d expect. And…

It’s a Dario Argento flick (his third one), so it’s very well shot. In like his next Giallo (the superb Deep Red) he really doesn’t play fair with the mystery. In fact, as a younger man I’d have said this was a perfect representation of an Italian Horror flick: More style over substance.

I enjoyed the flick. I intend to buy the flick when I get the chance.

But it’s really not Argento at his best.

Month of Horror (IX) – Face of the Screaming Werewolf

Not long ago I condemned Splatter University as being dull.

I apparently didn’t know what dull was.

It’s pointless to summarize the plot. This movie has no plot. It’s stitch together from two different films, one of which is The Aztec Mummy. The Aztec Mummy was an entertaining flick, but all of that was leeched out in this film.

This is the second flick this month I’d voluntarily watch Pieces over ever seeing again. No man deserves to have that happen to him.

No man.

Month of Horror (VIII) – That’s Not Me/ PuZZLE

That’s Not Me

This short isn’t even two minutes. Strange things happen to a woman preparing for bed. That’s it. No dialogue and no explanation for what goes on.

It’s very good. It’d rate it up there with 2AM: The Smiling Man for over all creepy factor. Worth seeking out on You Tube.

Puzzle

I swear there’s no theme here, but after prepping for bed strange things start happening to a woman. That’s it. No dialogue and no explanation for what goes on.

This doesn’t have the punch That’s Not Me has, but it’s very good, too. Subtle. It’s also over twice as long as the previous film. So if you have a short attention span….

Month of Horror (VII) – Absurd

How to say it…

Fundamentally this has the same premise as Halloween. A unstoppable lunatic escapes a hospital. Pursuing him is one of his caretakers, a man determined to kill the lunatic, and a weary cop. Victims fall in his wake as he for some reason seeks out a home with a baby sister (well, two) and two children, a boy and a girl.

As such, it’s kind of interesting comparing the two films. Halloween is a tight little number filled with characters you can care about with a very creepy monster. Absurd, meanwhile, has placeholders for most of the cast. I mean, you generate opinions about them, you don’t want to see some of them die. But there’s a certain something lacking.

And I wanted the little boy to die.

I wanted him to die a lot.

Absurd also drags. I can’t say I was bored, make no mistake. But I did check the run time at one point and was shocked by how much was left to go.

This flick also relies on gruesome kills. They are cringe worthy, but not what I would consider good. To bring another classic into play, Deep Red hurt me more. as did the Lucio Fulci movies I’ve watched.

The ending, too, is problematic, but that’s going into spoiler territory and I don’t wanna do that.

I can’t really carp about acting as it’s dubbed, beyond the fact I wish they found actors to dub the part. The little boy is the worst offender and in places he

Won’t.

Shut.

Up.

Bad mouthing the flick aside, I actually enjoyed it. It’s not a rush out and see again, mind you. Certainly not a good film. Just something I wouldn’t object to seeing again.

Oh, one last thing. Towards the end Absurd has a certain… incident occur and I made up my mind that if the final scene happened just the way I wanted, I’d love this movie.

I love this movie.

I just wish they killed the little boy.

Sorry about the spoiler but I didn’t want you to get your hopes up too much.

50 Words Headless Horseman

One of the sites I followed posted a challenge: Write an eerie 50 word story about a Halloween legend. As I’m have trouble posting it there, I figured why not post it here?

———————————————————————–

The Horseman clops through town, head tucked underneath his arm.

Trick-or-treats scattering before him like the mist in his wake.

At my house he dismounts, strides to my unlit porch, and sets the head down.

Every year he does this.

Why?

It’s not my fault my last name is Crane.

Month of Horror (VI) – Mark of the Devil

A curse turns nobleman Count Waldemar Daninsky into a Werewolf by the light of the full moon. The usual mayhem ensues.

Giving a full synopsis than that is pretty pointless. It’s a Werewolf movie, clearly inspired by Universal’s Wolfman. You have lots of shots of the moon, lots of a furry Daninsky lurking about the dark, and lots of killing.

It’s like a more fun Slasher movie, really.

Once again Paul Naschy stars as Count Waldemar Daninsky. By this point he knows the drill. He seemed a little wooden in this one, like he wasn’t enjoying himself much. That could be me, of course.

Blood and gore here is typical of the period. Sadly in at least one scene the Werewolf mask looked like a mask. Oh well, what was I expecting CGI?

This is the seventh film in the series, but don’t let that stop you. It’s a reboot.

You want a fun little show with blood, gore and naked chicks? Here you go.

Typical Naschy, in other words.

Month of Horror (V) – WNUF Halloween Special

An irritating reporter decides it’s a good idea to have a Halloween Special inside a haunted house. Hilarity ensues.

This is one of the interesting variants of Found Footage films set up as an actual recording. We get a local news broadcast setting things up, the Special itself, and commercials.

LOTS of commercials.

ENTIRELY TOO MANY COMMERCIALS.

All of this with decent (but not spectacular) acting gives the flick a realistic vibe. Which helps sell the picture.

And it needs the help, as it’s kind of dull for the majority of the run time. It’s only during the final ten, twenty minutes that it picks up the tension to a pleasant level.

I dunno. I liked it and it did well enough to get it’s own sequel, so there might be something there. But there are better examples out there.

There are also worst examples.

You probably knew that already.

Month of Horror (IV) – The Vampire Bat

What goes on here?

A remote village has a vampire problem. People dying left and right. All with marks on the neck and blood drained from the body.

Only one of the local doctors says the whole vampire thing is nonsense. There has to be a logical explanation for the killings and he’s going to find it.

Turns out he’s completely wrong. The truth is about as bizarre as vampires.

Maybe even more so.

I watched this directly after Splatter University, and that might might be affecting my judgement. Hell, might. How could it not? Staring at the wall gave me more thrills than that flick.

This one, though, I think is a damn fine flick. Has elements that make no damn sense, don’t get me wrong, but it works in spite of this.

Helping the show is some great actors. Melvyn Douglas plays the skeptical lead, and while irritating in places did win me over. Lionel Atwill ably assists as a fellow Doctor helping in the case (well, a certain form of help. And then there’s Fay Wray, Kong’s Bride herself, gracing the flick with the presence. Of course she gets imperiled, but to my amazement, she doesn’t scream once.

Fay Wray!

Missed oppertunity.

It’s a short flick barely over an hour, but worth hunting down.

Month of Horror (III) – Splatter University

You know, it’s a terrible thing when Pieces is a better movie than you are.

Really.

Terrible.

The summery, in brief is that a lunatic is stalking a university and like all lunatics knows exactly where to be to off the unsuspecting. A new sociology professor begins hunting down the killer and oops! Made this movie sound more interesting than it is.

Sorry about that.

The whole thing seems disjointed, as is common with the really low budget flicks like this. Acting is performed, I guess. None of the characters are likable or, in some cases, necessary to the film. As it came up short on the run time, there’s padding added to make it to where it needed to be, barely.

Some thrills were generated towards the end, but that was done by mistake, I’m sure. The killer, as I said, teleports around and doesn’t have the excuse of being supernatural. While I’m not a Kool Kills kind of guy, I could have used some Kool Kills

Watching it I was often reminded of other Horror films set in schools I could have been watching. Fatal Games, House on Sorority Row, To All a Good Night, and Pieces, a film I rather hate. Made me wish I was watching them.

Yes, even Pieces.

No movie should make me wish I was watching Pieces.

Such a dull waste of time.