[Fiction] Getting the Boid

For a few years now Jabootu’s Bad Movie Dimension has been less a review site and more an examination of monsters, whether from the silver screen or, on occasion, pulp magazine covers. This is not a complaint, mind you. Just how things are.

Every now and then the covers will inspire less commentary and more full on fiction from yours truly. What follows is a prime example of this phenomenon (with inspiration cover provided at no additional cost.

As with the previous post, the astute reader will notice Cullen doesn’t do a lot more than give dialogue. This is an issue he… I’m aware of and know needs changed.

SQUACK SQUACK!

“Damn it, why does he always do this? It’s not a worm, Blue, it’s my breathing tube so please don’t–”

SQUACK SQUACK!

“Okay, fine. I’ll just gently remove–”

Please do not touch [Alien Lifeform] with your ungloved hand, [Spaceman’s name here]. You might contaminate it with your germs and cause untold harm.

“Oh, for the love of… Of all the times not to wear those damn gloves!”

SQUACK SQUACK!

“Fine. This is not a prob. Just have to get back to Dome Base, get some gloves, then throttle Blue.”

That is not advised, as–

“Skip it, GLAD! How far am I from the Dome.”

[Spaceman’s name here], you are a mile out and counting.

“Wait, I didn’t walk that far. And what did you mean, and counting?”

[Spaceman’s name here] has forgotten basic space protocol and not put on the Dome Base Safety break and the Dome is now rolling down hill.

“What do you mean, I forgot? I never for–”

SQUACK SQUACK!

“Argh, look, fine, just, just drive the Dome to these co-ordinates.”

Affirmative. I will drive Dome Base to [Spaceman’s name here]‘s location.

“Great. Just peachy. Estimated time of arrival.”

Unknown. I can not begin drive procedures until the Dome Base has come to a complete stop.

SQUACK SQUACK!

“What, why?”

Safety procedures. Something [Spaceman’s name here] seems to know nothing about.

“And she gets snarky with me. Great. Perfect.”

SQUACK SQUACK!

“Lemme think, lemme think. If I can’t touch Blue, maybe I can shake him off… like…. this! And this!”

Please do not shake [Alien Lifeform] with your ungainly thrashing about, [Spaceman’s name here]. [Alien Lifeform] has a weak stomach and it may–

SQUAAAAAAACK!

<Sploosh!>

Oh no. I am too late. The poor [Alien Lifeform].

“Did it just… oh God. WHY IS THAT EATING THROUGH MY HELMET!”

[Spaceman’s name here], you have been exposed to a corrosive acid as well as most of the [Alien Lifeform] last meal. To follow proper safety procedures for a change, [Spaceman’s name here], please use your anti corrosive acid spray upon contacted surface.

“WHERE IS IT?!”

It is handily placed directly on your belt towards the back of your suit.

“WHY IS THE SPRAY LOCATED ON MY B– oh, wait, I got it.”

Apply liberally to the affected area of the helmet while taking care not dosing [Alien Lifeform] as it might cause said Lifeform untold harm.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

<hist!>

“There we go. Hey, as an added bonus, Blue’s no longer at my air hose. I might be… I might be okay.

“Now then, GLAD. What’s the ETA on Dome Base getting here?”

Unknown. Dome Base seems to be still rolling.

“Still?”

It was a very large hill.

“Nothing to be upset about, right? I’ll just start walking in the general direction. Just give me heads up when you can–”

SQUACK SQUACK!

“Oh great. Blue’s back.”

SQUACK SQUACK!

SQUACK SQUACK!

SQUACK SQUACK!

“And he’s brought his extended family. How nice of him. You know, GLAD, I think I’m going to start running your way.”

As you wish, [Spaceman’s name here]. Be advise that there are at least three [Alien Lifeforms] along your path that might cause further damage to your suit. And they may also eat you, as well. Which may cause the spread of germs and cause untold harm.

“I’m having… a hard time… thinking what I… hate more… You… or this… damn planet.”

Everyone is a critic.