All posts by Cullen M. M. Waters

Internet humorist, Writer of Speculative Fiction, movie reviewer, and all around good guy

[Month of Horror] This Dark Thought/There’s a Man in the Woods/Homesick

Three shorts, all on You Tube. All dealing with kids in some fashion or another. Not my intent to do a theme today. Interesting nonetheless.

This Dark Thought

A young astronomer has a bad night while babysitting her infant sister.

Looking for words, here.

This animated short is well done. It has no dialogue, yet it tells a cohesive story.

Too much baby crying, which is petty considering the nature of the tale.

It didn’t really work for me (1.0), but I have a hard time saying it was bad. Low good (1.5), I think.

Your mileage might vary.

2.5 out of 4

There’s a Man in the Woods

A teacher has to deal with a bratty kid.

I watched this one last year, I think. Can’t for the life of me remember what I thought of it then.

Here, though, is another animated short, with art a lot less polished that our previous subject. Serviceable enough for the story and never really bad. Just not my style.

Outside of that? No complaints. Told as a poem, it builds and builds right up to the end, like a good Horror piece should. We’ll give it a low great (2.0), not that that matters. I liked it (1.5). Might watch it again next year. Or sooner.

3.5 out of 4

Homesick

A young boy waits at home for his mother.

As with This Dark Thought, this is not a bad little flick. The main character in it, a little boy, does his part quite well. It’s well shot, you get the feel for what’s going on.

It’s just I didn’t care. Like at all. And it sort of peters to a stop. You think there should be more, and there just isn’t.

Of the three, this is the big loser of the night. Meh (1) is sort of harsh, but one brief jump scare ain’t cutting it this time. Maybe I’m just not the audience for this (1).

2 out of 4

[Month of Horror] Suspiria (1977)/Joyû-rei

Okay, so our first flick was supposed to be yesterday’s choice. But Cullen felt too sleepy to finish. Thus it got pushed back to today, with today’s movie review in addition to it.

Suspiria (1977)

A young woman picks the wrong school to learn dancing from.

This is one of my comfort movies, something that I can just watch any time I like. Which probably says something terrible about me, as it’s deaths are nearly all pretty young women suffering horribly.

In fairness to me, one of my other comfort movies is John Carpenter’s The Thing, in which all the deaths are men suffering horribly. But maybe that’s not much better.

To get back to Suspiria, it’s a near perfect Horror flick (let’s sneak a score in here: 2.0). Nasty as hell. Enough style and verve to cover up questionable special effects, an info dump near the end, and a bat on a wire. Acting is off, but that’s dubbing for you.

I think half the success of this film is the soundtrack. Damn creepy stuff, I think.

Love this movie (2.0)

4 out of 4

Joyû-rei

A film is plagued by a laughing ghost.

You want a contrast, watch these two films back to back. Suspiria is in your face gruesome. This is more an M. R. James story. Only one on screen death, and just subtly growing chills.

It was this film and Cure that made me a fan of Japanese Horror. There was so much more to them than what I was seeing America side.

It’s been twenty some years since I watched this flick, and it’s ending stuck with me. Though I missed a crucial detail back then that changes the way I see the ending.

Great flick (2.0). Love it to pieces (2.0). It’s not possible to pick up by legitimate means for some reason, a situation that I’ve been hoping would change for years now. Currently, though, YouTube has a copy, which is how I watched it. Make sure the YouTube Subtitles are turned on.

4 out of 4

[Month of Horror] The Psychic/Sette note in nero

Sette note in nero

A woman’s vision leads her to discover a murder.

This movie might be pushing the envelop a bit. To my mind, it’s more Thriller than Horror flick, with much of the good stuff happening in the final act.

Still, this is a very good movie, hampered by some really bad gore effects (the suicide at the beginning being chief among them.) It starts tame, turning the screw as it goes, until the climax.

I’m going to say something here: once again I saw the end coming to a movie I’d never seen before. I don’t know what’s happened. Maybe I’ve watched one too many of these things and know the melody a trifle too well.

Doesn’t matter, because I enjoyed the hell out of this flick. Made by Gore Master Lucio Fulci I’d expected something quite different and was pleasantly surprised by this great film (2.0). This might join The Thing and Suspiria as movies I can just sit back, watch, and enjoy.

Speaking of Suspiria…

4 out of 4

[Month of Horror] Second Week Summation

Told you no repeat of the ten movie watch. This week I watched eleven. And skipped a day.

The movies are as follows:

  • Blackbird (Short)
  • In Vaulted Halls Entombed (Netflix Show episode)
  • Chainsaw Maid (Animated Short)
  • Deadstream (Feature)
  • Waiting (Animated Short)
  • Dagon (Animated Short)
  • Laura Hasn’t Slept (Short)
  • Withered (Short)
  • 2AM: The Smiling Man (Real Short)
  • This Is Not a Test (Short)
  • The Shrine (Feature)

Note: Unless noted otherwise, the shorts I watch for these reviews are on You Tube. Except for Laura Hasn’t Slept , which has been pulled by Paramount.

Looks like more shorts than features. Not my intent for this series, but real life writes the plot. I’m already doing better for Week 3.

Only two of these were perfects. No film dipped below 2.5 points, which might be an improvement. Depending on where you stand on the matter.

The top three, in order of preference more than quality:

1. (tied) Deadstream/Chainsaw Maid

3. The Shrine.

Though 2AM comes close to edging out The Shrine.

The worst flick I watched would be Blackbird.

Film pushing the Short category to its limit: Dagon. Really, it’s more of an audio with pictures.

Two weeks down. A new week begins…

[Month of Horror] The Shrine

The Shrine

An ambitious reporter finds her search for a big break taking her to the one place she shouldn’t go.

Whoa, was this a good one. Still trembling. Probably the best Horror flick I’ve seen in a while. And I’ve been seeing good ones the past few weeks.

I don’t want to go into this one too much. Had it sitting on the shelf for the longest time, a little nervous about how good it might be.

It’s good. Grueling in the way a good Horror film should be. No way in Hell should any Hollywood studio try to remake this; they’d just screw it up.

Great flick (2.0). I don’t think I can honestly say I loved it, though (1.5). It’d put it on the list of films that I’d might watch again, but not for a while.

Always good to see a great Horror flick.

3.5 out of 4

[Month of Horror] 2AM: The Smiling Man/This is Not a Test

2AM: The Smiling Man

2AM is a short film about a night walker encountering a stranger night walker while roaming the streets. At a little over 4 minutes there isn’t a lot of time for nonsense, and, wisely, the film makers don’t do that. It helps that this flick is based on a really short story.

It’s a very ambiguous piece, and that’s one of its strengths. With one possible exception there are no silly bits of rule breaking to spoil the fun. The acting is spot on as is the direction.

It is what it is: a creepy short. Great job (2.0). I really like this one (1.5)

3.5 out of 4

This is Not a Test

This is Not a Test is a short film about a young man confined to his apartment due to some sort of paranormal anomaly happening in his country. It’s run time is a little longer that 2AM and it, too, uses its time wisely. I don’t think it’s quite as successful as our previous subject. It doesn’t hit its notes quite as well, and while the actors here aren’t bad, they don’t have the… I dunno… reality maybe? Somethings off about the performance, is what I’m saying. It could be just me, but it was there.

Outside of that criticism, the only thing I’ll say is that it’s a tad predictable. It’s good (1.5) and I liked it (1.5), but it could have been better.

But that’s just me. Both films can be found on YouTube.

3 out of 4 points

[Site] Cullen Hasn’t Slept

Well, that’s not true. I have slept. It just doesn’t feel that way.

Did a lot of real life stuff, like taking the car to the shop, taking a massive long walk, and other fun things.

Point is, I’m tired. And as I have always missed at least one day during these things, I feel like I can do a skip day here.

I’ll will continue on the morrow. Hopefully.

[Month of Horror] Laura Hasn’t Slept/Withered

Laura Hasn’t Slept

A woman seeks counseling about her dreams.

Note: Unless noted otherwise, the shorts I watch for these reviews are on You Tube. Except for this one. This one has been pulled by Paramount. Which is their right.

Right at the end of September I watched the hit Horror flick Smile in a theater. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen a hundred times before. I’d guessed the end well before we got there. All said, though, it was a good representation of its plot, it had good scares, and while it has some padding here and there it wasn’t a bad time. I liked it.

So when I learned it was based on a short film, today’s subject, I sought it out on You Tube.

It has a plot you’ve seen before. You’ll guess the ending way before you get there. And there’s some padding where you probably don’t need it.

And like Smile, I had a blast with Laura Hasn’t Slept. It is an extremely well made example of its kind.

I would even go so far as to say this is the better of the two films.

Great flick (2.0). Not sure I’d say I loved it, so we’ll go with like (1.5)

3.5 out of 4

Withered

A man digs up something nasty in his garden.

This one I wasn’t so lucky with.

Oh, it’s fine. It has some jump scares that made me jump (at least one that really shouldn’t have, so props for that). And it wasn’t too irritating.

It’s just that there’s something missing.

Part of it is the acting, which really isn’t good. It’s also a bit lack luster in places in terms of direction and special effect.

But what really kills it is that it suffers from a lack of motivation for what was going on and no set rules for the antagonist. It does what it does because of plot.

This is a common problem with a lot of shorts. I realize that sometimes you don’t need a motivation. Laura Has Slept‘s villain doesn’t say why he’s doing what he’s doing, or what he gains out things. But there’s an in-story reason why this doesn’t matter.

No such luck here.

All that said, I don’t think a meh works for it (it did do its job and scare), so we’re saying a low good (1.5). Personally I’m sort of meh on it all together (1.0)

2.5 out of 4

[Month of Horror] Waiting/Dagon (Short)

WAITING

Two women wait for a ride in the dark of night.

Short films tend to be hit or miss, but I’ve been finding the cartoons to be more hit than miss. This particular little flick I found on You Tube is no exception to this.

It’s basically animated with no voice acting. Still, it’s a good tale well told (1.5) and I rather enjoyed it. (2.0)

3.5 out of 4

Dagon

An escaped prisoner of war discovers that he might have been better off not escaping.

This particular short (again on You Tube) really isn’t a movie. What very little animation it has is even more basic than Waiting; the rest is (admittedly well done) drawings inspired by the H. P. Lovecraft story.

The whole thing is showcase for the reading, which comprises I believe the entire text. The reader does a great job with the telling of the tale.

The problem is that Dagon isn’t one of Lovecraft’s best works. First published, not a bad effort, but he gets a lot better.

All said and done, a good effort (1.5). I kind of like it (1.5).

3 out of 4

[Month of Horror] Deadstream

DEADSTREAM

I’ve never reviewed a movie this new. It came out last week. I’d have reviewed it before now, but for some reason it wouldn’t pop up on Shudder for me.

Which irritated the crap out of me, because like with It Crawls Beneath I saw the trailer and knew this was a gotta see. This internet influencer goes off and does everything that scares him. His latest fear is staying alone in a haunted house, so he picks one to spend the night in by himself. Naturally he chooses poorly.

Anyway, this is another in a long series of “Found Footage” films, but in this case it’s more of a streaming video, meaning what’s happening is happening “live”. You see the protagonist set himself up for a horrible night, then slowly but surely things build up to less Blair Witch Project and more Evil Dead. It’s a beautiful thing.

Now like entirely too many modern films I’ve watched of late I was ahead of the game here and there, but in this case, that’s the point. The protagonist is an idiot, doing dumb things for dumb reasons. You’re supposed to be ahead of him.

This isn’t to say I have no problems with the film. There are questions about the plot I’m not sure about.

Here’s the thing, though. I don’t care. I had a blast with this film, and I think it might be one I revisit again through the coming years.

Great flick (2.0). Loved most every moment of it (2.0)

4 out of 4